VEGAN FIGHT!
“Granola: made from hippies”
This is going to take some explaining.
You see, I’ve been doing a little volunteer writing and photography for the Sierra Club, getting to play out my conservationist fantasies on the side. I shot the front page photo for the most recent regional newsletter. Ooooh. Aaaaah.
A couple months back they emailed out a list of stories they wanted written and I picked one on outdoor foods.
Being a scouter, outdoor adventure columnist… I can crank this stuff out no problem.
At issue may be my sense of humor.
I was with some friends in downtown Asheville a few weeks ago, cruising the shops filled with vegetarians desperately trying to be either 1920’s Parisians or Tibetan Buddhists. Or maybe both.
I found the shops very confusing. One display said their pendulums were supposed to heal all that ails me. But the next booth says it’s crystals that cure me. So which is it? And are there negative interactions if I’m already using the medicinal tuning forks at the other end of the store? It gives me a headache. Are these polished crystal rocks quick-dissolving?
We stopped off for lunch at one point. Hey, I’m a quasi-veggie myself. I make exceptions, but aside from my Mom’s food there is no meat in my apartment.
Still, it was kinda fun watching two vegetarians nearly come to blows over the restaurant’s last veggie-hot dog.
When nature-loving vegans take to cutting, do they go for the rugged, outdoorsy Bowie knife or a less barbaric, more urbanized spork?
I’m all about different foods. And learning about different faiths. And dietary exploration of faith. At said lunch I wasn’t even eating because I was trying to fast for Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of atonement for sins between the individual and God.
But I wasn’t getting into a fight over my culinary, religious adventures.
Just drinking beer.
So that’s my take on things. When I was listing out different trail foods I just couldn’t resist slipping in “Granola: made from hippies.”
And that list didn’t make it into the newsletter and that’s probably a good thing. But it wants to be published somewhere, so here we go….
“Getting sick of nuts and berries? Grubs getting a bit old? At the other end of the spectrum are a wealth of space-age freeze dried, dehydrated, shrunk and shriveled yummies.
Somewhere between 10,000 B.C. and 2005 A.D., you’ve got:
Crackers: oft associated with peanut butter, honey, cheese, tuna fish… remember – tins are heavy and glass is heavier. And breaks
Food bars: come in energy and candy flavors. Beware of melting chocolate
Fresh fruit: sometimes heavy, lighter when dried, one of nature’s favs
Beef jerky: not popular with vegans. Can sometimes be used to chop wood
Granola: made from hippies
Trail Mix: some hikers practically live on this mix of small candies, chocolate chips, mini marshmallows, cereal, raisins, nuts, sunflower seeds, dried fruits… whatever you want
You can buy this handy snack pre-mixed or blend up your own batch with goodies from the grocery.
Feel free to try new things in novel combinations, but whatever you munch on, bear bag it when necessary, keep it from spoiling and be sure to use water that has been purified for mixing and washing it down.”
And one I left out: bagels. They last forever, don’t crush, are cheap and go with everything.
This is going to take some explaining.
You see, I’ve been doing a little volunteer writing and photography for the Sierra Club, getting to play out my conservationist fantasies on the side. I shot the front page photo for the most recent regional newsletter. Ooooh. Aaaaah.
A couple months back they emailed out a list of stories they wanted written and I picked one on outdoor foods.
Being a scouter, outdoor adventure columnist… I can crank this stuff out no problem.
At issue may be my sense of humor.
I was with some friends in downtown Asheville a few weeks ago, cruising the shops filled with vegetarians desperately trying to be either 1920’s Parisians or Tibetan Buddhists. Or maybe both.
I found the shops very confusing. One display said their pendulums were supposed to heal all that ails me. But the next booth says it’s crystals that cure me. So which is it? And are there negative interactions if I’m already using the medicinal tuning forks at the other end of the store? It gives me a headache. Are these polished crystal rocks quick-dissolving?
We stopped off for lunch at one point. Hey, I’m a quasi-veggie myself. I make exceptions, but aside from my Mom’s food there is no meat in my apartment.
Still, it was kinda fun watching two vegetarians nearly come to blows over the restaurant’s last veggie-hot dog.
When nature-loving vegans take to cutting, do they go for the rugged, outdoorsy Bowie knife or a less barbaric, more urbanized spork?
I’m all about different foods. And learning about different faiths. And dietary exploration of faith. At said lunch I wasn’t even eating because I was trying to fast for Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of atonement for sins between the individual and God.
But I wasn’t getting into a fight over my culinary, religious adventures.
Just drinking beer.
So that’s my take on things. When I was listing out different trail foods I just couldn’t resist slipping in “Granola: made from hippies.”
And that list didn’t make it into the newsletter and that’s probably a good thing. But it wants to be published somewhere, so here we go….
“Getting sick of nuts and berries? Grubs getting a bit old? At the other end of the spectrum are a wealth of space-age freeze dried, dehydrated, shrunk and shriveled yummies.
Somewhere between 10,000 B.C. and 2005 A.D., you’ve got:
Crackers: oft associated with peanut butter, honey, cheese, tuna fish… remember – tins are heavy and glass is heavier. And breaks
Food bars: come in energy and candy flavors. Beware of melting chocolate
Fresh fruit: sometimes heavy, lighter when dried, one of nature’s favs
Beef jerky: not popular with vegans. Can sometimes be used to chop wood
Granola: made from hippies
Trail Mix: some hikers practically live on this mix of small candies, chocolate chips, mini marshmallows, cereal, raisins, nuts, sunflower seeds, dried fruits… whatever you want
You can buy this handy snack pre-mixed or blend up your own batch with goodies from the grocery.
Feel free to try new things in novel combinations, but whatever you munch on, bear bag it when necessary, keep it from spoiling and be sure to use water that has been purified for mixing and washing it down.”
And one I left out: bagels. They last forever, don’t crush, are cheap and go with everything.
posted by John Derrick | 1:27 PM
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