Hunter & Gatherer Weekly

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Location: Wake Forest, Shelby, Chapel Hill...., North Carolina, United States

Ex-Shelby Star photographer, wrote a weekly outdoor adventure column. Now I'm a law student at UNC-Chapel Hill....

Thursday, July 28, 2005

"Did I get it right, Lance?"

Lance Armstrong has proven himself the victor for the unprecedented seventh straight time in what is considered by some the most difficult event in the world’s most excruciating sport.
I may never go through such a test, I can never understand what he has overcome and who can match words to the scope of his triumph?
But maybe a twenty-year old foreign exchange student touched a corner of the adventure riding a broken bike through a dark, cold morning.
Far from the carbon fiber and glamour of the professionals, I was riding through the Mooswald forest west of Freiburg, Germany, a little after 2 a.m. on three hours of sleep trying to make it to the French border at the Rhine River and back before class started at 9 a.m.
It was the tail end of winter in northern Europe. It was so cold. I’d busted a tire the night before and hadn’t been able to fix it. So for more than 40 kilometers every turn of my front wheel, as I rode over the empty inner tube’s air valve, was a jolt through my body via the seat, which was cracked in half. And the brakes were shot. And the handlebars were coming off, gears didn’t work and the light flickered dimly as I rode thought the darkness on Freddy.
I loved that bike.
Merdingen, Guedlingen, Hochstetten… I rode through one village after another and finally reached Breisach on the Rhine just before sunrise. As the sun was coming up I rode out onto the bridge linking Germany and France and drank a beer for soldier who told me to have one for him while I was abroad.
The morning was damp and the railroad tracks were wet as I rode back to Freiburg. If you followed the Tour de France this year, you saw them ride through some of my old haunts on the German frontier. And you saw what can happen when a bicycle wheel slips on a train track. The bike stops. The rider doesn’t. I can vouch first hand.
I was lying by the side of the road when a man stopped his car, came up and asked if I was alright. He’d seen my fall. It was apparently so violent he thought I’d been hit by a truck. It felt for a moment like something had gone through my knee. I was a bit cut up but otherwise fine.
Continuing on I rode out the east side of Umkirch on a nice two lane road. Then suddenly there were four lanes of fast traffic. Honking at me. Looking at maps now, I think I’d fumbled onto the Autobahn system on a broken down bicycle. I found a trail through the woods and used it.
I got back to Freiburg with just enough time for a shower before class. I washed off the mud and the blood and saddled up again for the ride to the university. At some point a classmate asked why I looked so tired.
It was hard. It hurt. I bled, and I would go on to bleed a lot more on Freddy from Luxembourg to Austria, Switzerland to Lichtenstein. My legs weren’t used to the strain. Sometimes at night they would cramp up, waking me in silent screams. For months.
But I remember as I rode up out of Opfingen into the vineyards, pedaling out of the woods alone, the night sky opened above me dripping with stars from one horizon to the other, from the lights of Freiburg in the east, laid out beneath the cathedral’s spire, draped across the hills and valleys of the Black Forest – to France.
And somehow that memory has outlasted the trauma and agony and made it all worth while.
Did I get it right, Lance?

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

“Cry havoc and let slip the ferrets of war”


So the mayor-to-be of Franklinton, where I used to be a reporter, was a cattle farmer. Used to hang out at town meetings with her some. Her farm was on the highest piece of land in the county, so every once in a while a cow would zapped by lightning, she said. Smells awful. Legs stick straight out.

So Liz, our intern here at the paper, suggested I develop a cow surge protector. I Googled the idea for some background research, but to no avail.

But when I tried, “ferrets of war,” I got dozens of hits.

Figures.

Smart People + String + Peanuts + Squirrels....

And I thought Trudeau was just making it up....

Doonesbury. Karl Rove. Turd Blossom.

www.doonesbury.com/strip/dailydose/index.html?uc_full_date=20050726

http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/books/07/27/
doonesbury.language.ap/index.html

Thursday, July 21, 2005

"At 2 a.m. on a broken down bicycle named Freddy"

So, as I wrote in the below column, I’d taken off for the French border from where I was studying abroad in Freiburg, Germany, 20 kilometers distant.

At 2 a.m. on a broken down bicycle named Freddy.

I remember just how cold it was starting out. Cold and dark – I spent around 8 kilometers riding through a deep, dark wooded area there on the outskirts of Germany’s Black Forest. It was like the part in some fairy tale where someone gets eaten by a wolf. And that someone would be me.

And the bike’s generator-powered light flickered. And when the bike stopped, it did too.

But after forever I reached the first small town. Navigation was pretty easy – just follow the signs from one small town to the next.

And I remember as I rode out of one town up into the vineyards, as I pedaled out of the woods alone the night sky opened above me, dripping with stars from one horizon to the other, from the lights of Freiburg in the east, laid out beneath the spire of the town cathedral, across the hills and valleys of the Black Forest – to France.

"... a tire that won’t reinflate no matter how much tape you wrap around it...."

Lance Armstrong cheats – he has air in his tires.
But really, as much as I respect the superman, to truly experience riding through France and the western frontiers of Germany, where I studied abroad, you need a bike with handlebars coming off, a seat cracking in half, lighting/gears/brakes that don’t work and a tire that won’t reinflate no matter how much tape you wrap around it.
And it has to be named Freddy.
Freddy, whose moniker was chosen by fellow student Heather, whose name was presumably chosen by her parents, and I first became acquainted after I realized my social circles ran later than the public transportation in Freiburg, and it was a long walk home from the bar.
I learned a lot about bicycle maintenance from second, third or fourth hand Freddy. What do you do when you’re scooting in front of a moving city bus and a wheel falls off?
You think quickly and carry pliers. And don’t tell your mother.
Anyway, my adventurous side (the same one I walked to South Carolina and back from Shelby with) noticed even before I left for Europe that Freiburg was only about 20 kilometers from the Rhine River, separating France and Germany. And so I started thinking….
One night I was out late with some Italians when I proclaimed my plans to ride to France the next morning.
I tend to talk myself into adventures/columns/holes with some frequency.
As I rode back to my apartment I went down a ramp to a tunnel under some tram tracks. I expected a gentle ramp ascending up the other side.
After I rammed into the stairs I could hear the air leaking from the tire.
I tried to patch the tube, but pumping air into it was like holding sand in a sieve – it had burst like an overcooked bratwurst.
I tried wrapping tape around the tire. But the sticky mess just got caught in the brakes and threw me.
So I tried just riding without any air in the tire. A little bumpy. But passable.
I woke up about three hours later (because I had to get back before class started at 9 a.m.) and started going – with a map in the pocket of my army jacket and a cardboard box taped to the back of Freddy to hold some drinks.
You see, before I left to study abroad, my Army ROTC buddies asked me to drink beers for them. I thought that, hey, what better place to drink a toast to Master Sergeant Brown, Airborne Ranger, than at sunrise on a bridge over the Rhine between France and Germany. I think the beer for Pete was on a bridge in Basel, Switzerland.
By the time I got to Lichtenstein things had gotten way out of hand.
Does John make it? Just how far can you ride on chocolate and beer? Check out the blog at www.shelbystar.com/blogs.asp for extra details (where I thought they’d find my body) and stay tuned for next week’s column to find out.
Hint: “Mud,” “Blood,” “Autobahn.”

Thursday, July 14, 2005

"...fish that are longer than me with much sharper teeth...."

At least this time I didn’t run into five jellyfish. And a crab.
Last week I swam across the 3 ½ mile wide Pamlico River. Again. I do it about every decade.
You can check out my last attempt on the blog: www.shelbystar.com/blogs.asp. Here’s a hint, “Maybe I should have taken a cue from the two-foot stingray I’d found in the river the day before. It was dead.”
I was on vacation at my family’s cottage on the river in Beaufort County, downstream of Bath, our state’s oldest town – 300 this year. The small house was hand-built by my grandfather with WWII surplus but no power tools and is part of an incredibly stable community called Rest Haven that was founded post-war by folks looking to escape hot summers with costal breezes and cooling waters.
A few years ago many of the original families, even the original people, celebrated the fiftieth anniversary of our lay Sunday School.
We didn’t install heat and air until last year.
We like it somewhat rustic.
I had my 24th birthday while we were there, and that brings up one of the folks responsible. He’s the real hero/fool of the swimming adventure. He swam over before I swam back. He’s 58. He’s my Dad, and he was a state championship swimmer back in high school.
And he swam it a full hour faster than my weak 3:20 time.
“At 58 years old, I should know better than to do this sort of thing, but there weren't any sharks and only one jellyfish.”
I guess my Mom holds the family grey cells. She took up crochet – a porch-borne activity imparting scant risk of being sun burned/stung/eaten.
We started early in the morning while the river was still and the sun was low. I guided my 9-foot dinghy alongside my Dad – a favor he’d repay on the return trip, which he said taxed him more than the swim.
It’s not easy motoring so close to a swimmer that their splashes land inside the small boat, sitting hunched over the engine, constantly countering the forces of wind and waves, shifting in and out of gear to match the swimmer’s changing stroke and speed while staying on course (taking some pictures, check the blog) and keeping an eye out for other boats… and fins.
Yeah, we have critters in the river, though thankfully not too many jellyfish this year. The Pamlico River is ecologically interesting – a brackish mix of sea life and freshwater species. Within a quarter mile you might find both dolphins and largemouth bass… sharks and alligators.
We don’t see them often, but they’re there and I’ve got my fingers crossed (I did get to see a black bear one night. On land).
My Dad didn’t tell me at the time, but while I was in the water we crossed astern of someone trolling, that is dragging bait in the water on a line hoping for something to bite (kind of like waterskiing) – likely for tarpon, fish that are longer than me with much sharper teeth.
Last time I completed a crossing I was 16. This time I was in my twenties. We’re thinking we might try this each decade of our lives.
I’ve bought myself about 15 more years.

“…forced him to wear a thong on his head….”

www.cnn.com/2005/POLITICS/07/13/senate.guantanao.ap/index.html

“Military investigators said they proposed disciplining the prison commander at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, because of abusive and degrading treatment of a suspected terrorist that included forcing him to wear a bra, dance with another man and behave like a dog.”

But tell me… did he get into the frat?

----------

I had this one buddy… he and his frat… drunk… cigarette lighters… coat hangers… woke up with Greek letters branded on their a….

Monday, July 11, 2005

The importance of being clothed....

Did anyone else see the naked guy running alongside the cyclists in the Tour de France yesterday?

It reminded me of my recent vacation.

You see, I was tubing behind this ski boat in Eastern NC’s Pamlico River. As my flapping body skittered across the water at 20-something miles an hour, I was holding onto the float with a deathgrip.

My swim trunks weren’t quite as secure.

Y’know Hawkeye’s Hawaiian shirt on M*A*S*H? I’ve got the ultra-colorful, flowered shorts Hawk would envy.

And I used them to flag down the boat as it came back to pick me up, waving my pants over my head and the rest of my birthday-suited self.

I have since put my clothes back on.

The Hunger Site -- One Click for Free Food to the Starving

The Hunger Sitewww.thehungersite.com

Okay, folks. This is a rare win-win-win situation. Here you can donate food for free to starving people all over the world, including the U.S. (they win by getting to eat), it is totally paid for by the advertisers (who win by getting public exposure) and you win by getting your daily good turn out of the way in only a few seconds (a lot faster than helping some slow old lady across the street, eh? Just kidding).

But this is for real – last month more than 200 tons of food were donated.

There are also links from The Hunger Site to various other sites doing the same sort of thing for other good causes –
www.thebreastcancersite.com
www.thechildhealthsite.com
www.theliteracysite.com
www.therainforestsite.com
www.theanimalrescuesite.com

Doonesbury....

http://www.doonesbury.com/strip/dailydose/index.html?uc_full_date=20050710

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Tom Cruise? Medical Advice?

www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/Movies/06/27/....

Ummm. Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s? I’m not sure I’d ask my physician about how to star in an action blockbuster just as I’m not sure I’d ask said actor to play doctor.

Thus writes a photographer.


Saw the photo in Thursday's paper of my Dad swimming the 3.5 mile wide Pamlico River in eastern NC? Well here's the deal. It's 3.5 miles wide. That's wide. In the background there's a shrimp boat. And not much land. I ran the small boat, a row boat with a motor attached, while my dad swam across and he returned the favor for me on the way back. Check out next week's column (Thursday on the outdoors page) for more. For now, my laptop battery's about to die and I'm on vacation. Toodles!
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Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Angstrom to Zettameter

Confused by metric conversions? Relax -- here's a website that covers units of measure (bee space, didot point, gnat's eye, yottameter) I've never even heard of (and I'm admittedly/sadly rather up on the scientific, um, jive): http://www.onlineconversion.com/

So even though I'm on vacation away from a TV, I'm still checking in on how Lance and his team are doing in the Tour.... Check this out, from the official website: http://www.letour.fr/2005/TDF/LIVE/us/400/index.html

Record Average Speed For Discovery Channel
The Discovery Channel team has set the fastest average speed for a team time trial in the Tour de France. The nine riders finished the 67.5km course in one hour, 10 minutes and 39 seconds. The average speed is 57.31km/h - eclipsing the previous best (that of Gewiss-Ballan from 1995 - 54.930km/h).

That's 35.61 MILES PER HOUR ON A BICYCLE!

GO LANCE & CO.!!!

(does it seem ironic to anyone else that a professional cyclist, whose legs are his livelihood, is named Armstrong?)

"... smote and rendered asunder...."

I think I’ve got a new favorite newspaper lead of all time, written by Tony Tharp of The Pamlico News:

“BEAR CRASHES CHURCH EVENT
Surprise visitor shatters glass door and streaks down hallway

And it came to pass at 9:30 p.m. Thursday that a huge black bear emerged from the wilderness and smote and rendered asunder a glass door at the Bayboro Baptist Church and entered therein, frightening a wedding party and setting off a rash of jokes as bad as this lead.”

Seems like a really neat paper, coming out of Oriental, NC, weekly. Check it out at www.pamliconews.com....