Minnesota Milita to Deploy Peacekeepers to Upcoming Political Conventions

“Hordes of masked government storm troops, covered in black Kevlar uniforms, arresting everyone in sight?”
“Dude, I thought we were just making that crap up,” said George McHenry, a battalion commander with the Minnesota Militia, a fringe militant group on the federal government’s terror watch list, “but I just saw it on YouTube.”
“Those pictures are going to look great on next year’s recruiting brochure.”
The recent Republican National Convention earned notoriety with many, including people who are supposed to be wackos, when a political organization that espouses freedom and small government used a police force larger than the Libertarian party to ensure the safety of its delegates from thought.
“I mean, what about free speech? Freedom to assemble? Probable Cause?” asked McHenry while using pages from Article III of the United States’ Constitution, which covers the federal judiciary, to wipe down his rifle, nicknamed “Due ProceSKS.”
“Next time they want to take on the American People, I figure we’ll show up and let them take their chances with the Second Amendment and the 3rd Battalion, Minnesota Militia! The Fightin’ Mooses!”
Moosei?
“I figure we can hop a ride in my wife’s Prius,” said McHenry.
“She runs the ACLU booth….”

Death Penalty Project Student Volunteer Takes Group Name Literally

"Ooops.”

"I mean, I thought the group name was…. Oh, my,” said first year law student Sandra Ginsburg, standing over recently death-penaltied Chris Holstein.

Holstein, a Chapel Hill resident, had beaten the rap for three homicides, four rapes, and bestiality in a school zone but didn’t get past Ginsburg one recent afternoon when she knocked on his door and he opened it, thinking she was another Obama volunteer.

“Do I still get pro bono hours?”

Ginsburg was volunteering with UNC Law’s Death Penalty Project, a group that is typically focused on opposing the use of the death penalty, which group leaders explained at their recent meeting, which sleep-deprived Ginsburg slept through.

“I’ve spent three years working to keep Chris out on parole!” bewailed Project President Stephen Roberts upon hearing the news.

“On the other hand, good riddance to bad rubbish.”

"How many more bullets you got?”

Officer A.L. Parker, Chapel Hill Police, praised Ginsburg’s “spirit of American volunteerism” and “involvement with her community.”

“Just think of it as an extreme late term abortion,” said Officer Parker. “I believe Holstein was in his 196th trimester.”

In other news, UNC’s branch of the Domestic Violence Advocacy Project, DVAP, has recently changed its name to the Domestic Violence Action Project.

Ooops.

Australopithecines and a crisis in Detroit

Once upon a time there were some unfortunate, dim brutes that couldn’t adapt to changing conditions and died out. They were well suited to the contemporary environment, but inflexible and hapless when the conditions changed.

Way on way back when there were a set of hominoid species called the australopithecines (just call them cavemen). Shortly thereafter I learned about them when I was an anthropology major. Some of them evolved to be relatively smart and able to adapt to many changing environments (us).

Others of them got really big and really good at chewing on sticks and stuff and didn’t really learn how to do much else.

They became very physically specialized and dependant on a very particular set of environmental conditions in a way that kept them from changing with the times. To chew the tough foods of the African savannah, they developed big jaws but small brains.

We, however, developed bigger brains that helped us come up with primitive yet versatile tools…. No, we aren’t physically all that spiffy. To be exact, on the grand scale of lions, tigers, and bears, we’re really pretty pathetic. We don’t have horns or hooves or sharp teeth, and aside from our brains we don’t really have a chance. But these wonderful, adaptable brains enabled us to survive and explore or environment using fire, and spears, and rocketships to the moon, and clearcutting of rainforests….

Instead of big teeth for chewing on hyena carcasses, we became smart enough to build blenders. Now we can drink that hyena carcass through a straw. That’s progress.

But when the climate changed our big dumb hominoid cousins couldn’t just make a different tool. They weren’t able to adapt quickly enough. When the climate got cold and they ran out of stuff to happily chew on, they died. We, instead, invented microwaves.

Mmmm…. warm hyena.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, according to the Creationists, and we get to the American automobile agency and its australopithecines/SUVs. Back in the day when gasoline were a cheap as the blood of Arab children, what did it matter if we only got eight miles to the gallon? We could have cared, but, eh… we didn’t want to.

Now suddenly gas prices have been in the news and we’re concerned about the environment and Detroit can’t keep up with change and an old anthropology major just couldn’t help take note….

Once upon a time there were some unfortunate, dim brutes that couldn’t adapt to changing conditions and died out?

What makes a car American?

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/12/12/american.cars/index.html

Sounds like my Japanese car, made in America by Americans with parts made in the USA, is more red-white-and-blue than most of the guzzlers out there...